Shut out.

What do you do on the days when you feel like a huge bumbling fraud? Like you’re not writing the right things. Using the right words. Like you just can’t do it. I thought committing to write everyday was going to wash all my writing problems away. But now I stil in front of my screen and I don’t know what to write. The words just don’t come. The worst kind of heartbreak is when a part of you just leaves you and you realise that you don’t know who you are. I want to know who I am, listen to myself better. Write good, beautiful, moving poetry. I used to be able to do this so well. I don’t know what happened. I can’t find my voice, that authentic self that I’m supposed to present to the world, and it scares me. Words please come back? I promise to never ever let go any more

I’m just going to publish this, because I’m supposed to be writing something everyday, and I’d like to think someone comes here everyday expecting to read something. So here it is. This is for you.

I hope I’m able to find my answer to the question, why do you write? Because until I do, I’m just lost. I don’t know what writing is supposed to be anymore. I never used to write from my feelings, but now I feel like if it’s not true it’s not real. I went to a writing class and the facilitator asked us to open our hearts. Everything we write without opening our hearts is not real and it just won’t connect with the reader. My heart is not talking to me :(. It’s shutting me out.